I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
