the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
