I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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