I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
