Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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