i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
