He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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