shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
