Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
