a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
