I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there is glitter all over my balls
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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