One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
