My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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