dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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