how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
