I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
