Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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