I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
