I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need a sexual gate keeper
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
