i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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