He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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