Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i out mim tonsoeep
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