Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
