did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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