i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
