Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
