I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
