Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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