Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
