he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
