some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
