my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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