Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
