We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
