Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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