The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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