there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
