now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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