just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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