If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
