dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
