You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
