you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
