She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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