she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
now i know why i became what i already was.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
