id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
