my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
