physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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