I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
