she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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