I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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