I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
