I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
